Not My Best Hair Day, But my Butt Looks Good!

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(Not my best hair day)

 

Hola mi amigas or mi amigos! I want to talk about body positivity today. Not specifically weight, but more specifically why we put ourselves down. If you could tell me one thing that you think of when you get out of bed in the morning, what would that be? Is it about breakfast, your day, what you’ll wear, your health? Okay, now what is the second thing you thinking? Because I bet it’s something in the body shaming category. For example, “Mmm, I’m going to have donuts for breakfast!!!” and then comes the guilt, “Ugh, I’m so fat.” Why do we do this to ourselves? If we start off our day in such negative ways IT WILL lead to a bad day, and eventually depression.

I have been surrounding myself with things and ideas lately. Telling myself to think only good things about my body. If we can tell ourselves the bad things and we believe them, why can’t we think good things and have the same effect? I’m taking steps towards inching out of my shell. Wearing tighter clothes (modestly), and learning to accept that curves and lumps and bumps are natural. I’m tired of hiding in “tents”  and I want to enjoy wearing things that make me happy. If I’m wearing something that makes me happy, it’ll inevitably make my day brighter. These of course are all very surface level things.

The root of the problem comes from within. Learning to transform how we think about ourselves should transform how we think about others and should help us be happier and kinder. You can’t make people think how you want them to think. If that were the case everyone would eat, dress, and act the same. So learning to love your body will only come when you’re ready. And when I say love your body, I mean LOVE your body. Look in the mirror and be happy that you have a belly, extra chin fat, or big thighs. I love being me, and all those things come along with it. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I choose to be uniquely me, and I choose to love the skin I’m in.

 

What is holding you back from loving yourself? When you say you’re trying, are you really? What do you love most about yourself?

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Where in the World is Molly…

Hello!

It’s been some time since my last blog post. I’ve been going through a lot of stuff these past few weeks. Well, technically this past half year. As I’ve talked about in my previous posts, I’ve mentioned mental health, being vegan, and moving to the middle of nowhere. And these are things that I’ve been struggling with. Now, I’m going to be super real with you guys.

Life is not easy. I take every aspect of life WAY too seriously. I am a pretty sarcastic person, but I struggle with pretty much everything I see, do, or say. Lately I have been letting anxiety get to me so bad that it has literally been paralyzing me. I’ll have days where my arms go numb, mornings where I couldn’t feel my legs. Even moments I just wanted to run out the front door and keep running till I could escape the depression. Now, when I say depression, I do not mean my everyday life. I actually love my life. My husband and girls are heaven. So why the drama you say? Because I can’t help it. The depression comes from not being able to control things (OCD), it comes from stress and anxiety over things that may not even happen, and it comes from overthinking. I find myself so trapped inside my own head and thoughts that it literally scares me. Moving somewhere I don’t have friends and family wasn’t so great for my mental health. But I’m smart enough to talk to my friends and family about it and I even went to the doctor.

When you factor in other things while going through all of this like being vegan and trying to lose weight, it tends to make matters worse. Since I’m so controlling I felt like when I tightened the reigns on my diet, I was sucking the joy out of my life. I was being overly oppressive to myself. And then when I stopped trying to tighten the reigns, my body didn’t know how to handle all of the change and well…I got sick. Some sort of bug, and I’m still dealing with the repercussions. But now I can say that i’m letting go of my grip on my eating and choosing to eat intuitively. Which makes me happier, and makes me learn to accept myself more.

What I want to say in all of this is…

RE-MEET YOURSELF. LEARN WHO YOU ARE. BE YOU AND NOBODY ELSE.

I mentioned this in my last post. Own it. We always say to people, “Just be yourself.” But I don’t think a lot of people mean it when they say that. And a lot of people don’t want to show who they truly are, in fear of not being accepted. When I think about why I’m so scared to be myself, I think back to a time where I was with a friend from high school and she looked at me and said, “I was wondering if you were working out. Because you look a lot different than you did in high school.” Or something along those lines. I was so embarrassed and felt shamed. She said that to me in front of my husband too. I felt ugly all of a sudden and felt like my high school self was ripped away from me. Like it was impossible for me to still be her. This friend that said that wasn’t trying to be hurtful, she was just honestly shocked when she saw me for the first time in about a year or two. (This also happened about 2 years ago and I’ve lost about 20 lbs since then).

We don’t realize how harmful we are to each other on a daily basis. I don’t think she ever realized that her words have stayed with me ever since. They have been playing over and over in my head and I have been trying to out run them ever since. But you know what…that stops today.

I am not going to let the world, old friends, new friends, or anyone in-between tell me who I am or what I should look like. I am going to re-learn who I am, what I like, and learn to love looking at my beautiful face in the mirror. Life if too short to be worried about such surface level things. I will never let myself become unhealthy, but I am not going to suck the joy out of my life just because I don’t look a certain way.

Also, DAMN RIGHT I’M NOT THAT GIRL I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. I’m better than her. I’m smarter, braver, stronger, and I actually like how I look as a woman vs. a child. Thank you very much. So, the woman you’ll be hearing from here on out, is one who is TRULY herself, and is going to own her life so hard it’ll be hard to miss 😉

Own It.

What type of person are you? Are you the creative type? Someone who writes music? Are you someone who spends way too much time behind a computer screen playing video games? Are you penning the next great novel in your free time? How would you describe yourself? And my biggest question, are you afraid of what others think?

I have always been afraid of what others think. I still am. It’s something deeply embedded from about the age of six. I’m sure it all started with some rude girl saying my legs were too hairy at a young age. That’s when I started shaving. Over the years I’ve learned to put up defenses. I use sarcasm as a mask to hide behind. I puff up my chest like I could take on anyone. I’m what you call scrappy. But when it boils down to it…I’m still afraid. WHY? Why are we so afraid of one another? Who cares if someone doesn’t like how I dress? Or who cares if someone doesn’t like what I post?

We are only human. It hurts our ego, pride, and feelings. I’ve been told to stop being so sensitive. I now raise two girls to own who they are. If they’re sensitive, that’s okay, I tell them to cry it out. I give them that extra love, and encourage them to be strong. My biggest line to them lately has been, “Princesses can save themselves.” We are strong, smart, beautiful women who can do anything they set their minds too. If only I could take my own advice. The lesson I’ve learned the most in the role of mother is to be the woman you want your daughters to look up to. Someone they aspire to be.

I’m quirky, a deep thinker, my favorite people are the ones who seem the most imperfect. Probably because I’m the same way. I over share what’s on my mind. I start a thousand projects only to finish maybe three of them. I’m constantly changing my taste in clothes, music, books, etc. All because I want to better myself. But when does that end? When will I reach a point where I feel like I’m the “perfect” version of myself? I’m always telling my daughters to own who they are. So why don’t I?

Have you ever noticed that the people we watch and look up to the most are the most unique individuals? Haley Williams of Paramore is the first person who comes to mind. There is no one like her. She owns her personality. Just because someone copies how she dresses or sings does not take away from who she is as a person. We all need to own who we are. Life is too short to keep trying to find approval for everything we do and it’s WAY too short to try to be like someone else. Because in the end you realize you can never be that person. No matter how hard you try. So, I ask you today, can you own it? Can you own who you are? The best version of yourself is already in you. Just stop suppressing them! Let your freak flag shine!

Mental Health and Weight loss

This is a topic that has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. Why is weight loss such a huge topic of discussion? And when will we ever be happy with how we look or feel? This is where mental health comes into play.

Mental health and weight loss go hand in hand. Some people fight so hard to lose weight, get to their dream weight, and still aren’t happy. They feel guilty 24/7 if they eat something that isn’t on their “approved” list. Right now you’re probably thinking, “Oh, that’s not me. If I got to my dream weight I’d be so happy and wouldn’t have a care in the world!” Sorry to tell you, that isn’t normally true. Because as humans we aren’t perfect. We’ll have days and or weeks where we binge on junk food, or one too many glasses of wine and then see that the scale went up 5-10 pounds and go into a deep dark depression.

How do I know this? Because this is me. I have been at my dream weight, I have been at a horrible weight. Now I’m somewhere in between. My dream weight has always been 120 lb. I remember the year I met it. It was the year before my grandmother passed away. I remember feeling good when she called me skinny. Now at this point in the story is when people mention they had bulimia or anorexia. That wasn’t me. I was living with roommates at the time. Didn’t know how to cook for myself, was working a job where I was on my feet constantly, and walked across a huge college campus for classes. I didn’t gain the freshman 15, I lost 20 lb. I was far from healthy though.

I remember the times when I finally made some food at home and it was normally a cup of Ramen noodles, a package of Thai noodles, or some tuna. Other than that I would eat out with my best friend. Normally Applebees, and we’d consume mass amounts of chips & salsa and drink limeades! That was seriously the basis of my diet. I wasn’t trying to lose weight. I just wasn’t focused on food for the first time in my life. Weight wise that was a good thing, but health wise it wasn’t good for me at all. Yes, it did feel great to be thin, but the biggest thing I remember is that was when I was the least happy. Despite being at my goal weight, I still felt pudgy. And I was always worried about love handles.

Years after that when I was at a better weight, around 135, I would tell friends and family who were struggling with their weight that it wasn’t that important. That they wouldn’t be happy, even if they met that goal. Back then that’s what I believed. Today, I say that reaching a goal weight is attainable, can be enjoyable, but only if you are eating the right foods. I went vegan over a year ago to become healthier. Not once, my whole life, did I ever think about what was in my food. I just knew the basics of “eat your vegetables” and exercise. Now I know better. But that is for another blog post!

I’d like to say that over the years and through my experience I learned to love myself and not give a care about my body image. But that would be a lie. I am a real person, with real struggles, and I beat myself up every day about what I see in the mirror. Even after I’ve lost weight I find new things to critique. I’d love to say that I love myself, but everyone is their own biggest critic. I can say that when I struggle when these things, daily, I try and point out the parts about myself that I do love or appreciate. Whether if it’s something about my personality or physical appearance.

Mental health is something most of us cannot control. We find ourselves in a pit of despair within a second sometimes because of something we see or think about. The biggest thing I can tell you in all of this is DO NOT go through it alone. Join a support group. Make a support group with some friends. Call your closest friend, or family member. But talk it through. And my other word of advice is accept compliments. I for one struggle with that part the most. I always feel like people are lying to me, or I turn a compliment into something negative. For example: Wow! You look so good! You’ve lost so much weight! Which I then turn into, ” Wow! You look so good! You were a fat cow before and now you look somewhat better!” DON’T DO THAT. When you learn to be humble and take what people say at face value you learn to breathe a bit easier. It’s not going to make you more vulnerable. It’s going to make you more approachable and you’ll find yourself making friends a lot easier as well.

Feel free to post your experiences below. I’m more than happy to talk to each and every one of you if you’re struggling. Mental health needs to be talked about. We need to be open about our struggles and be there for the ones we love.

You’re Bigger than Your Demons

We all have those weeks…months…or sometimes years when we feel like a giant hippopotamus. Boy, let me tell you. I’ve been going through a lot since we’ve moved. Do you constantly find yourself unmotivated? Do you feel undeserving of love? Do you feel like no one could possibly understand what you’re going through? Do you always feel like the odd one out?

I can’t speak for everyone in the entire world, but it’s safe to say that most people at some point in their lives feel this way. Depression, bipolar, loneliness, addiction…they all go hand in hand and in some way shape or form you most likely have one if not all of those. I’ve never been diagnosed, nor do I intend to, but I feel pretty bipolar most days. My highs can get pretty high and my lows get very low.

The last two weeks I have been feeling like a hippopotamus. Giant, fat, tired, and pretty ugly. Anyone would, having just moved out to the middle of nowhere and having no place to go. No social engagements. We look at people on social media and think, “Man, they have the life.” They look as though they have it all together. They can do their make-up perfectly, hair is flawless, style is on point, etc. We watch their lives on apps like Youtube and think that is a true reflection of their lives and daily “struggles.” But as most people know, that obviously isn’t the case. In every glass house there is a room without windows. Normally a bathroom, or underneath it all is a basement. So even if you’re being watched 24/7, you have your moments that no one sees.

Now, I bring all of this up to talk about my day today. I went out to go shopping. I went to a retail store, when normally I go thrifting. But I wanted a pick me up. Just a simple blouse or something that would make it feel more like spring, since the weather has been miserable here. I’ve been minimizing my closet and trying to piece together the perfect capsule type wardrobe, so I went with an idea of what I was looking for. I quickly chatted up the sales associate, scrolled through all the white and light blue blouses, and found a hoard of items to try on. Something that hasn’t been so easy for me to do in the past few months. I’ve been feeling so desensitized by social media and have been asking myself what do I truly like. In the dressing room I look at it all and think, “Okay, where do I start?” Just moments before I had asked the associate to help me find a certain style of jeans. She then asked my size. Which no woman ever really wants to divulge. It’s like asking someone their weight. I quickly said a smaller size than I thought I was, but threw in that maybe I should try a bunch of different sizes just in case. She gave me a strange look and I gave an awkward laugh and said, “It’s been a while since I bought new pants.” My mistake for asking someone for help in the first place.

So, back in the fitting room I picked up the first pair of pants I saw, realizing they were the smallest ones. I winced about putting them on as I pulled them over my thunder thighs. One more button…and done. They fit….they actually fit. Oh dear Lord, someone help me because I may have a heart attack. They fit. (Moment of silence for this miracle please). I spent the rest of my time flying through everything in the room and riding a high of happiness when I found that everything I picked up was too big or baggy on me.

The biggest thing about this story is that my weight hasn’t changed. That number on the scale didn’t change. Companies sizes change. Fabrics change. I did nothing. This was a momentary high. But this little moment made me realize so much. That I could be happy with my weight! That I could be happy despite the circumstances. The rest of the evening I found myself dancing in the kitchen thinking about how thin I felt and loving how much energy I had. And when you boil everything down…NOTHING CHANGED.

We all have days, weeks, months and sometimes years where we feel like a hippopotamus. But let me tell you…that feeling…it eventually ends. Even if for a brief second. Even if only for one day. But let that feeling remind you, nothing lasts forever. Weight is just weight. A feeling is just a feeling. And the world keeps turning. We are our biggest road block in life. We can’t grow past our depression if we don’t get out of our own way. We can’t move towards happiness if we tell ourselves we can’t. You choose your path. You choose your future. I know this, because I’ve been there. I promise. Know others just like you ARE out there. And we have WON. Look at your loved ones and see what they see. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are strong. And you are worth more than diamonds. When you feel like you have won, yet you feel another low coming on, remember that people love you and that the world doesn’t dictate your happiness. No amount of clothing or possessions will make you happy forever. But there is a God who can. And he sent His son to die on a cross…for you. You’re that important.

5 Things I Cut From my Budget

Do you find yourself struggling to get on top of your budget but you aren’t sure what to cut out of your spending? These are 5 things that I realized that I could do in a more affordable way or cut altogether!

  1. Buying Name Brand Products. Let me tell you…if they have the same ingredients as the name brand product then they are pretty much the same thing. Other than maybe how they process their stuff or what it’s packaged in. If you want to save money this is the most simple way to do it. If you are really concerned you can do your research and see how the product brands make their products and you might even find reasons for not buying name brand other than saving money. For me it was buying cruelty free make-up. And most big name brands aren’t cruelty free!
  2. Buying Books. Use a Kindle, Nook, or E-Reader over buying books. Now, if you are anything like me you cringe at that idea. I was gifted a Kindle years ago by my parents and while I miss the smell and feel of books I was amazed at the benefits. I have pretty much any book at my dispense. Which I guess for some people could hurt more than help! But the price of an E-book over a real book, on average, is half the cost!!! And if you are like me and like to hide away in a room full of real books, go to your local library.
  3. I Don’t Buy Meat! Go Vegan! This post is not a ploy to make all of you go vegan! I am honestly one of those vegans that doesn’t care what you do or not. But the positives of going vegan when it comes to your budget is that you don’t buy meat, and in turn you save so much from that. You’ll also have better health and feel more alert. People have the misconception that going vegan will cost more. But with places like Aldi at our dispense it is completely affordable and my personal opinion is to supplement with a plant-based vitamin like Rainbow Light. Not because you can’t get enough nutrients without it, but because it makes getting your daily nutrients that much easier in such a fast paced world.
  4. Boutique shopping. Thrift shop!!! One of my favorite past-times! Clothes depreciate so fast, so why not buy them gently used in the first place. Sometimes you can even find them brand new with the tags still on. And if you find that you don’t like the piece two weeks later because the fabric stretched out or shrunk it won’t be a huge loss! My favorite finds are the vintage 90’s pieces the child in me always wanted to wear but was still too young for!
  5. Going out to Eat. Learn to cook. There is such a joy from cooking and eating food you make. For me it’s stress relieving, and over time you may learn to love the food you make more than a restaurants! I find that I can make my meals 100% healthier by making them myself. You can also start incorporating one new food to try each time you make something so you can broaden your palate! Never tried Eggplant? Now’s the time! Try making an Eggplant Parmesan!

 

Invisalign: My Experiece and My Opinion on Smile Direct Club

Are your teeth crooked or shifting to the front of your face? Is that front tooth gradually overlapping the other? Do you find yourself getting frequent cavities? Then Invisalign might be for you. This is not sponsored. I just want to share the last seven months with you all.

Starting Invisalign was something I wanted to do since it came out way back when. My bottom front teeth were extremely crowded and my top two front teeth were overlapping each other. I started to notice it all when I started to get cavities more frequently and in photos my smile didn’t look like my smile. Now, I don’t know if crowded teeth absolutely causes cavities, but since I’ve started my Invisalign I haven’t had one since!

The first two weeks were the weirdest part. It was so foreign to have plastic in my mouth all the time. It felt like someone had formed a plastic water bottle around my teeth and I was just supposed to be okay with it. After those two weeks, almost like magic, I forgot they were on. While it’s a bit tedious to take them in and out every time you eat something, you do get use to it. I also drink copious amounts of coffee and my Invisalign are never as clear as they should be. This can be prevented by taking them out when you drink coffee, but if you’re a throughout the day coffee drinker like I am then you tend to just leave them in. Or else you may forget to put them back in entirely.  You can also brush your teeth after you eat or drink anything and everything, but who seriously has time for that? That’s like those imaginary people who can take showers every single day. If you are one of those people, you are like a magically fairy to me! My skin would get so dry and so would my scalp.

Now, about a month and a half back I got through the 28 weeks of my aligners only to find that one of my canines in the front wasn’t aligning. So, here we are a month and a half in to a new six months of aligners. I wanted to cry when, instead of being done and having a better smile, they said I had to get new buttons put on my teeth and start a new round. I also didn’t mention that it took them about a month to get in my new sets of aligners and so that extended the wait time on being done with this whole thing. Don’t get me wrong. First world problems I know. I am so grateful for being able to do this and my teeth feel better than they ever have. By the beginning of July I should be free of them and I plan to never stop smiling!

While they do give you free whitening while you have them I don’t recommend it. My teeth felt so weak after I did that, and I didn’t notice much of a difference, because you’re supposed to do the whitening a few days in a row. My teeth would have broken in half if I had done more than one day. Figuratively, of course. Whitening tooth paste works the best for me. Recently though I have started using a Dr. Bronner’s Natural peppermint toothpaste. And my teeth have whitened more than they ever did using a chemical whitening toothpaste. And I feel safer about what I’m using on my mouth.

I know a lot of people are seeing ads for Smile Direct Club on Pinterest, Instagram, and other sites. I’ve seen a lot of positive responses about it. And one of the youtubers I follow recently posted a video on how to use them. The only differences that I noticed between those and Invisalign are that with Invisalign you have to go through your dentist, and every few weeks you’ll have an appointment to make sure you’re teeth are aligning properly. They also don’t do the clay molds of your teeth with Invisalign. The dental assistant goes in and does a 3D scan of your teeth one tooth at a time so that way you have the perfect fitting aligners. My biggest fear for those who use Smile Direct is that your teeth may not align properly and you won’t know or have anyone to tell you other wise. Which in the end could very negatively effect the alignment of your teeth. I’m not a Dentist or have a degree in Dentistry, but from my own experience with Invisalign that’s my judgment. I do see the positives of Smile Direct being more budget friendly, and if your smile is only slightly crooked or gaped, they may actually benefit you.

So, if you want my opinion and have gotten this far in the post, I highly recommend Invisalign. Smiling can make you feel better almost instantly and can make your day and mood better. So why not improve it. Just make sure to wear your nightly aligner/mouth guard after you’ve gone through the process. I’ve heard way too many people I know tell me that their teeth have shifted so bad after having braces when they were little because they didn’t wear their mouth guard. It’s such a simple thing to do. Just do it.

I hope this post helped you with your decision! I know I was a bit confused with which direction to go when I was starting. If you have any questions, please comment below! I’ll answer every comment!